Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade-named BOOK.
BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use, even a child can operate it.
Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere-even sitting in an armchair by the fire-yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.
Here's how it works:
BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information.
The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder, which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.
Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs.
Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, BOOKS with more information simply use more pages.
Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet.
BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it.
BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting, though like other display devices it can become unusable if dropped overboard. The "browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish.
Many come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.
An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session-even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous BOOK markers can be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous views at once.
The number is limited only by the number of pages in the BOOK.
You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with an optional programming tool, the Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus (PENCILS).
Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment wave.
BOOK's appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking to invest. Look for a flood of new titles soon.
Sydney Wilde (Curling up by the fire now.)
A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. It was one of those massive stores that have every department imaginable. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.
The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"
"Yes, I was a salesman in the country," said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up."
When the boss looked up the young man the next day at closing time, he saw him shaking hands with a beaming customer. After they parted, he walked over and asked, "Well, that looked good! How many sales did you make today?"
"That was the only one," said the young salesman.
"Only one!?!" blurted the boss. "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"
"Three hundred twenty seven thousand, three hundred thirty four dollars and change," said the young man.
The boss paused for a moment, flabbergasted. Then he asked, "How did you manage that?"
"Well, when he came in this morning and I sold him a small fish hook. Then, I sold him a medium hook, and then a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one, and then a big one. I then sold him a spear gun, a wetsuit, scuba gear, nets, chum, coolers, and a keg of beer.
I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. We decided he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines. Then, he said that his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser, with a winch, storage rack, rust-proofing, and a built-in refrigerator."
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?!"
"No," answered the salesman. "He came in to buy Tampons."
"Yeah, Tampons. They were for his wife. I said to him, 'Well, your weekend's ruined, so you may as well go fishing...'"
The Following Are REAL Names Of Rock Bands
Albino Toilet Boys
The Band Formerly Known As Sausage
Cap'n Crunch and the Cereal Killers
The Dancing French Liberals of 1848
Fearless Iranians From Hell
Gefilte Joe and the Fish
Janitors Against Apartheid
Kathleen Turner Overdrive
The Leave It To Beaver Conehead Immolation
Mao Tse Helen
Nate Nocturnal and the Nightly Emissions
Raging Pimps of Doom
Sandy Duncan's Eye
Ted Bundy's Volkswagen
Uncle Dickie's Shameless Quickies
Vic Morrow's Head
Willie Nelson Mandela
Signs on Church Properties
"No God-No Peace. Know God-Know Peace."
"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
When the restaurant next to another Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, "Resurrection is postponed."
"People are like tea bags-you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."
"Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"
"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright."
"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."
"Fight truth decay-study the Bible daily."
"How will you spend eternity-Smoking or Non-smoking?"
"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives":
"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
"If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."
"This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?" ---------> (U R)
"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
"In the dark? Follow the Son."
"Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."
"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."
1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol:
May make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
May cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head
May lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
May cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
Is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
May create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named chuck.
May lead you to believe you are invisible.
May lead you to think people are laughing with you.
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
On a Japanese food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume: