Like the virgin prairie for the explorer, metaphors are pregnant with possibility, but don't mix them.
It behooves the writer to avoid archaic expressions.
One should not shift from the third person to the second person when you write.
I once read that splitting modifiers was wrong in the library.
It is generally recommended that the use of the passive be minimized.
Write assertively, I think.
A sentence containing a parenthetical phrase (must be a complete sentence) without that phrase.
Avoid the use of vulgarisms that might piss off the reader.
Avoid rephrasing, which is, in other words, paraphrasing or rewording of a statement, sort of like repeating it.
I've told you a million times not to exaggerate.
Ambiguity is more or less undesirable.
Hyperbole is the worst mistake you can possibly make.
You will die horribly if you are overdramatic!
Boise, Idaho's 7327 English teachers agree that all statistics should be verified.
Don't verbify nouns.
I have traveled all over the world, known many important people, received many degrees, and have learned that it is in bad taste to use yourself as an expert example even though I am one.
djust the margins before print
When choosing among two, make the best choice. Between three or more, pick the better one.
Avoid overuse of rhetorical questions. Know what I mean?
I could care less about expressions that mean the opposite of what they say.
Vary sentence length. Conformity is boring.
Be sure to use the correct word accept in certain cases.
Don't use no double negatives.
Avoid clichés like the plague.
Each pronoun should match their subject.
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
Try to not split infinitives.
Don't be repetitively redundant or repetitious.
ANALOGIES YOU PROBABLY WON'T FIND IN GREAT LITERATURE
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
Long separated by cruel fate, the star?crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
ENGLISH IS A STUPID LANGUAGE
Lets face it
We sometimes take English for granted
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
English was invented by people, not computers,
That is why
The New English Spellings/The European Union's Official Language
New EC Regulations
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish."
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil sevants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
THE ULTIMATE VERSE GUIDE TO CONFUSIONS IN ENGLISH SPELLING & PRONOUNCTIATION
This little poem came about as an exercise for multi-national translation personnel at the NATO headquarters in Paris. English wasn't so hard to learn, they found, but English pronunciation is a killer. After trying the poem, a native French interpreter said he'd prefer to spend six months at hard labor rather than read six lines loud.
English is Tough Stuff
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Ivy, privy, famous; clamor
Query does not rhyme with very,
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Petal, panel, and canal,
Compare alien with Italian,
Face, but preface, not efface.
Pronunciation - think of Psyche!
Finally, which rhymes with enough -
That's what a borrower's language will bring.
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